"Captain Who" Episode 1V: The Price of Life - Episode 1 The Captain and The Chief sat in lounge chairs on a sandy beach at a lakeside, the afternoon sun beginning to drop in the sky. A handful of people lounged nearby or swam. THE CAPTAIN This sure beats the Eye of Orion, doesn't it? The Captain opened a can of Coke. THE CHIEF I'm just glad nothing at all has happened this week. I think this is the most quiet I've seen in weeks. CAPTAIN Nothing ever does here at Lake Summerset. It's too much in the middle of nowhere. The Chief chuckled a little. CHIEF (teasingly) What's wrong with the middle of nowhere? CAPTAIN Nothing. Absolutely nothing. With that, the Captain relaxed in his lounge chair to admire the sunset. * * * Babs and Buster Bunny rummaged through their lockers at Acme Looniversity, pulling out books for their first-hour class. BUSTER So, Babsie, ya up for some videogames after school? BABS (cheerily) As usual! The two of them closed their lockers and walked down the hall. BABS (wondering) What do you think we'll do in class today? BUSTER (ruminating) I think Bugs is showing one of his really old films, something about character development. BABS Oh. The pair turned their attention to Fifi, Fowlmouth, and Plucky, who stood in front of the door to Buster's classroom. BUSTER (curiously, to the group) What's going on? Fifi turned to Babs and Buster as the class bell rang. FIFI LAFUME (explaining) Eet ees Misseu Bugs, he ees not 'ere. Babs frowned. BABS That's odd... BUSTER Yeah, Bugs is never late to first hour... Plucky looked at his wristwatch impatiently. PLUCKY DUCK Well, it doesn't matter, another ten seconds and the five minute rule is in effect. Plucky motioned with his hand as he counted down the seconds. PLUCKY Okay, it's been five, I'm outta here. (to Fowlmouth) C'mon, Fowlmouth, let's go bug Shirley in study hall. The two of them walk off. Buster turned to Babs and Fifi. BUSTER (suggesting) Well, you guys wanna get a Weenie Burg-- Buster was interrupted from a dull thump from inside the classroom. The three of them peered curiously into the window of the door to the dim room. FIFI What was zhat? Buster frowned. BUSTER Something's wrong. Buster looked at the doorknob for a moment, then looked to Babs. BUSTER (to Babs) Babs, you got anything I can pick this lock with? Babs reached behind her ear. BABS How 'bout a hare pin? Babs handed him a hare pin. BUSTER Great! Buster took it and inserted it into the lock. After a moment of trial and error, the knob turned. The three of them cautiously entered the classroom. A cold wind whipped through a large broken window on the other side of the room. Babs, Fifi, and Buster looked about, a strange eeriness gripping them. Babs' ears perked up. BABS Shh! The sound of shallow breathing could be heard. Babs and Buster walked toward the teacher's desk at the front of the room while Fifi turned back toward the door to find the light switch. The room lit up, and Babs and Buster gasped. FIFI (concerned) What ees it? Fifi rushed to join Babs and Buster. BUSTER (stammering, incredulous) It... It's Bugs! Just in front of them lay a very still, very pale, Bugs Bunny. * * * Inside the Captain's TARDIS, the still console erupted with activity. The central column began to rotate, and the displays on the Systems console panel filled up with text. An indicator on the Operations console lit up: RECALL. The Captain awoke with a start, and looked to the Chief, who also snapped awake. They looked at each other. CHIEF Gallifrey? I nodded. CAPTAIN Yeah... Let's go. The two of them picked up their gear and moved quickly to the TARDIS. The Captain put down his blanket and chair in the alcove of the console room, and walked to the console to stand next to the Chief, who was looking at the information presented on the displays. CHIEF It's from the Celestial Intervention Agency. The Captain read the display aloud: CAPTAIN (reading) Imperative that you return to Gallifrey immediately for to investigate phenomena in U-24-Delta. Authorization oh-three-four-two-Gamma by order of the High Council of Time Lords on Gallifrey. CHIEF (absorbing) That's unusual... The Captain activated the dematerialization sequence. CAPTAIN (thinking) Indeed... CHIEF U-24-Delta, that's the so-called cartoon dimension, isn't it? The Captain paused, and looked up. CAPTAIN Yes, it is. CHIEF (wondering) But Gallifrey doesn't have any operatives in U-24-Delta, not to my knowledge anyway. CAPTAIN (nebulously) Exactly. CHIEF (slightly impatient) Then what is going on? CAPTAIN That's what I'd like to know. * * * The TARDIS slowly materialized in a landing bay for TT capsules, with several empty slots along the length of the bank. The Captain's TARDIS assumed the same shape as the other space-time machines -- that of a large green box. A section of the box slid outward and open, allowing the Captain and the Chief to exit. The Captain had returned to his customary football jersey and bluejeans, The Chief to a pleated floral print dress. The two of them looked around for a moment at the ornate decor of the bay. CHIEF No reception party? CAPTAIN (suggesting) Maybe we landed in the wrong bay. CHIEF You have a point; this *is* the High Council's private bay. CAPTAIN (slightly defensive) I used the coordinates the High Council gave us... (switching to the offensive) Hey, wait a minute, how do you know this is the High Council's private bay? The Chief flashed a smile. CHIEF I used to sneak in here and play when I was a Time Tot. The Chief turned and started to walk toward the double doors at the end of the bay. The Captain turned and quickly caught up to her. CAPTAIN (incredulous) You WHAT? CHIEF (protesting) Oh come on... *I* wasn't the one who took the Lord President's TARDIS for a joyride during my freshman year at the Academy. The Chief pushed one of the doors open before The Captain could reply, revealing the Baroque splendor of the High Council's meeting chamber. The council sat around a semi-circular conference table, the Lord President at the head of the table and a Time Lord in technician's robes standing near an interactive viewscreen. The technician turned and noted the entry of the Captain and the Chief. AVES Ladies and Gentlemen of the Council, this is The Captain and The Chief, both of whom have spent time in U-24-Delta. The entire council stood momentarily to acknowledge us. CAPTAIN (commenting) The Council is well aware of my actions in U-24-Delta. LORD PRESIDENT Indeed, Captain, and with great interest. Technician Aves motioned the newly arrived Time Lords to sit at the table. CHIEF But what is Gallifrey's interest in U-24-Delta? Aves took a step forward. AVES Allow me to answer that. First, the background. Aves picked up a small remote control device, and a schematic of the multiverse appeared on the viewscreen. AVES (lecturing) For some time now we've known about the U-24 phenomenon -- In fact, we now know that a dimensional research team discovered and recorded its existence shortly after Rassilon's passing. Aves paused and looked at the look of disbelief on the members of the Council as a murmur passed through the audience, save the Lord President. AVES (cont') Knowledge of the chartings was lost until the prison planet of Shada was rediscovered and dismantled. An image of Shada appeared on the viewscreen. AVES (cont') An ancient archive was discovered there, and among the information unearthed was record of the early research. Unmanned TT capsules were sent to many uncharted regions, including the U-24 group. One capsule returned from U-24-Delta with a very scared sentient being. The viewscreen showed a low-quality video recording of a very timid-looking black duck with a yellow beak and a white collar on his neck poking his head out of the capsule. AVES We were preparing to launch a manned expedition to U-24-Delta, when the Captain here accidentally stumbled into it. What we were able to retrieve from the damaged data banks of his TARDIS we found quite useful and intriguing. The viewscreen changed to display a diagram of U-24-Delta. AVES (cont') Small envoys were dispatched to the dimension for study. Not long afterward we became aware of Duquoin activity there, which is why the Chief was dispatched. Following that incident, we recruited a limited number of agents to monitor for extradimensional activity. Several flashing dots appeared on the diagram on the screen. AVES That brings us to this month. We lost contact with 23 of our operatives throughout U-24-Delta. 7 observation posts have gone dead. Over the last two days, two TT capsules have returned to Gallifrey -- both empty, their data banks scrambled. Aves turned to the Lord President. LORD PRESIDENT Captain, Chief, I think what we want you to do is obvious. The two of you are our best hope. You've had experience with the inhabitants of U-24-Delta, you're members of the CIA, and you work well together. Will you accept this mission? The Chief and The Captain exchanged glances. CHIEF Exactly what's involved here? AVES Locate, identify, and report. Intervening in whatever is happening is secondary -- We want you to find out and then get out. The Captain swiveled in his chair a bit. CAPTAIN What else do we know? Surely we must know more than what you've just told us... Aves looked to the Captain gravely. AVES We have two extremely garbled reports, both from operatives. They indicated that the affected areas are in chaos, and they reported the existence of some sort of plague. But one report seemed vehement about one point: We're dealing with extradimensionals. The Castellan turned to The Captain and The Chief. THE CASTELLAN Those two operatives appear to have been silenced. CAPTAIN That doesn't give us a whole lot to go on... Where do-- The Captain was interrupted by a technician who burst into the chamber, out of breath. TECHNICIAN (quickly) Lord President, Space Traffic Control has picked up an incoming TT capsule. It's from U-24-Delta. * * * The group quickly entered the main landing bay to stand behind a security detachment of the Chancellory Guard. The Castellan stepped forward to take control of the situation. He turned to an operator manning a console overseeing the landing bay. CASTELLAN Any communication from the incoming capsule? OPERATOR None at all. The Castellan frowned. CASTELLAN Very well. Allow it to materialize. The operator worked a few controls on his console, and the familiar wheezing-groan reverberated through the bay as the TARDIS materialized in its basic green box form. The door slid outward, and the Castellan stood ready with his staser. A muffled sliding-scraping sound came from inside the capsule. The Castellan took a cautious step toward the TARDIS. Slowly, the long brim of a purple hat peeked out from behind the door. Abruptly, the owner of the hat fell out of the capsule and onto the ground, taking the hat with it. Everyone jumped back, startled. The Castellan rushed to the figure crumpled on the floor. He knelt over the body, then turned to the High Council. CASTELLAN (shocked) It's operative Darkwing Duck. He's dead! On the ground before the Castellan was a very pale, unmoving Darkwing Duck. * Copyright (c) 1994, 1997 Wildcat Productions (Rev 01-18)